Growing in the Middle Ground　在探索中成长◎ Anne PhippsI believe that my beliefs are changing.

Nothing is positive.

Perhaps I am in a stage of metamorphosis which will one day have me emerging complete, sure of everything.

Perhaps I shall spend my life searching.

我坚信自己的信仰一直在改变。

凡事无绝对。

或许，我还在发育阶段，总有一天我会发育完全，从而坚信一切。

或许，我将要用一生的时间去探寻。

Until this winter, I believed in outward[36]things, in beauty as I found it in nature and art.

Beauty passed, swift and sure, from the outside to the inside, bringing intense emotion.

I felt a formless faith when I rode through summer woods, when I heard the counterpoint of breaking waves, when I held a flower in my hand.

There was the same inspiration from art—here and there, in flashes—in seeing for the first time the delicacy of a white jade vase, or the rich beauty of a rug, in hearing a passage of music played almost perfectly, in watching Markova dance Giselle, most of all in reading.

Other people’s consciousness, their sensitivity to emotion, color, sound, their feeling for form, instructed me.

The necessity for beauty I found to be the highest good, the human soul’s greatest gift.

It was not, I felt, all.

这个冬季以前，我信仰外界的事物，相信从大自然和艺术中发现的美。

可美总是转瞬即逝，留下的只是无尽感伤。

当我骑马穿过夏日的丛林，当我侧耳倾听浪花翻滚的声音，当我手持一朵鲜花时，我就能感觉到一种无形的信念。

艺术也能带来同样的灵感，它无所不在，稍纵即逝——就像我第一次看见一个精美的白玉花瓶或一块华丽的地毯，听到一段演奏得近乎完美的音乐，看到马尔科娃在 吉赛尔　中的优美舞姿，我都能感觉到这种灵感。

然而，这种灵感绝大部分源自阅读。

他人的思想，他们对于情感、颜色、声音的敏感，以及对形式的感知，都能给我以启迪。

我发现，对美的需求是人类最崇高的举动，是人类灵魂最伟大的天赋。

可我觉得，它并非一切。

This winter I came to college.

The questions put to me changed.

Lists of facts and “who dragged whom how many times around the walls of what?

” lost importance.

Instead I was asked eternal questions: What is Beauty?

What is Truth?

What is God?

I talked about faith with other students.

I read St.

Augustine and Tolstoy.

I wondered if I hadn’t been worshiping[37]around the edges.

Nature and art were the edges, an inner faith was the center.

I discovered, really discovered, that I had a soul.

Just sitting in the sun one day, I realized the shattering meaning of St.

Augustine’s statement that the sun and the moon, all the wonders of nature, are not God’s “first works”, but second to the spiritual works.

今年冬天，我上大学了。

我所面临的问题也改变了。

很多事实和那些“多少次谁拉着谁围绕着哪面墙徘徊？

”早已不再重要。

相反，一些永恒的问题开始困扰着我：什么是美？

什么是真理？

什么是上帝？

我曾和其他学生讨论过信仰的问题。

我读过圣奥古斯丁与托尔斯泰的著作。

我想知道，自己是否一直徘徊在信仰的边缘。

自然和艺术都是边缘，内心的信仰才是核心。

我发现了，真的发现了，自己拥有一个灵魂。

有一天，当我坐在阳光下时，我终于明白了圣奥古斯丁说过的那句话：太阳和月亮，所有自然界的奇迹，都不是上帝的“初作”，而是精神上的二次创造。

I had, up till then, perceived spiritual beauty, only through the outward; it had come into me.

Now, I am groping[38]towards an inner spiritual consciousness that will be able to go out from me.

I am lost in the middle ground; I am learning.

直到那一刻，我才能看透外界事物，欣赏到精神上的美。

那种美已然住进我心里。

现在，我正在通往内心精神世界的道路上摸索前行着。

我迷失在探索之中。

我正在学习。

美丽语录Life is not always what we want it to be.

We fight.

We cry.

And sometimes, we give up.

But in our hearts, we know it’s still love.

生活有时不尽如人意。

我们挣扎、哭泣，有时甚至放弃。

但内心始终要充满爱。

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